Nice to Meet You
by Kathryn Randle
Summary: My story is about a girl who made a promise to her father that she'd be a MASH nurse. But she has a secret holding her back from true happiness. Please Read and Review! I need to know if I should continue! I'd really appriciate it! *CHAPTER 5 NOW POSTED*
1. Arriving

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters! Except Kathryn! They all belong to M*A*S*H!  
  
Ok this is my first mash fic so bear with me! I didn't know how to start it so it's kind of bad at the beginning but I think it gets better toward the end! Please review and tell me if you think I should continue or any suggestions you have I love hearing them! Thank You!  
  
  
  
Chapter One  
  
I didn't exactly know what it was going to be like there. All I knew was that it'd be a big change to go from giving needles and healing chicken pox and measles to healing soldiers wounded in battle. But I knew I had to do it. It's what father wanted. I had to do my patriotic duty. I was glad I was going.  
  
I hadn't been waiting at the train station long before and young Lebanese man asked if I was the nurse transferring to the MASH 4077th. I told him I was and got into his jeep. I didn't really want to talk to him; I had a lot of things on my mind. A lot had happened in the past few months. The man I loved most in the world had left me. I had to leave everything I cherished behind, and I was beginning a new life that was practically a living hell. This isn't the way a 24 year old girl should be spending her life. But there was nothing I could do. I needed to go. I had to go.  
  
Even though I didn't want to talk to this man I couldn't help feeling guilty and rude. Here he was trying to be a friendly to a person that he'd be living with so I talked to him. Besides he was a very nice person.  
  
"So where are you from, Lieutenant…Oh I'm sorry I forgot to ask your name." He asked.  
  
"Kathryn Callaway and I'm originally from California, but I moved to Oklahoma when I was a young girl." I replied.  
  
"Oh our head nurse is from California. She grew up in Fort Ord." He told me.  
  
"My father was a Commanding Officer there once. He used to take me to meet all his staff. We used to have the best times together." I said. I felt a little sad speaking of him but I had to move on.  
  
"Holy Toledo, you sound just like Margaret." He replied surprised. "I'm sure you to will get along fine."  
  
We talked for the duration of the ride there. His name was Maxwell Klinger but people just called him Klinger. He told me about the 4077th and it's surgeons and nurses. He told me that a pretty little thing such as myself should stay away from Captain Pierce. I hadn't known what he had meant then but I soon found out.  
  
When we arrived at the MASH it wasn't anything like I had expected. No one really even noticed I had arrived. They all just kept going about their business. I didn't really feel welcome but it didn't matter. It wasn't like I was going to summer camp like I had as a child and everyone was going to run up to my jeep and start singing. This was a place of work and I was going to have to remember that no matter how hard it'd be.  
  
Klinger showed me where I'd be staying and said that he'd be back for me in a half an hour to introduce me to the CO and the head nurse. I looked around my room. It wasn't like I expected but it'd do. There was a cot for a bed and everything was green. I hated green but I wouldn't learn to like it. I tried hard to make it look like home by adding pictures putting my old comforter and pillows on the cot, but it still looked horrible. I didn't really care as long as it had a roof I was happy. I looked in the mirror to check myself over. I hated wearing my uniform and was glad I had new clothes to wear.  
  
When I glanced in the mirror I wished I hadn't. I was wearing a green t- shirt underneath another green shirt that I wore unbuttoned, with matching green pants and my dog tags to go with it. I had never really cared much about my looks, even though people had always said I was pretty. I had dark brown hair that curled at my shoulder that was now in a loose complicated braid with wisps of hair falling out everywhere, I was tall and fairly slim, and my face was pale ivory. My lips were full but what I loved most about me were my eyes they're blue and icy. They have a sort of depth to them and everyone was always complimenting on them. But I wasn't conceited. I cared now what I looked like since I wanted to make a good impression.  
  
When Klinger returned I was both anxious and nervous. The only commanding officer I knew had been my father and head nurse had been my mother. I guess I was sort of a child at heart even for my age.  
  
On the way there he pointed out where everything was, Triage, Pre-Op, Post-Op, the OR. It was all so army like. What had I gotten myself into? I wanted to leave but the love for my father made me stay.  
  
"Hey don't be nervous. Colonel Potter and Major Houlihan are real nice people. They'll love a nice girl like you." Klinger told me reassuringly.  
  
Houlihan. I thought for a minute. Where had I heard that name before? I decided not to think about it then. There wasn't any time.  
  
"Well here we are. Ya nervous?" he asked.  
  
"You have no idea." I answered.  
  
"I was too. But Sherm and I are great pals now. Real comrades why you might even call us…"  
  
"KLINGER!" yelled a voice from the next room.  
  
"Yes sir Colonel Potter sir." He replied  
  
I had to smile since that didn't really sound like the call of a friend.  
  
"Get in here!" said the voice.  
  
Klinger went in through the swinging doors leaving me alone in the room. Although I might has well have been in there I could hear there entire conversation.  
  
"You bellowed?" Klinger asked when he entered.  
  
"Let me know as soon as Lieutenant Callaway gets here. I want to know the minute she arrives." The voice told him  
  
"She's already here, sir." He said.  
  
"Well don't just stand here bring her in." said an aggravated female voice.  
  
"Yes Major." He said  
  
"No let her settle in first. Show her her tent and then bring her to us."  
  
"Already done, sir. She awaits in my office."  
  
"Well don't just stand there bring her in." said the female.  
  
With that Klinger was out in a flash.  
  
"They will see you know." He told me as if I hadn't heard anything.  
  
I followed him in and found an old man sitting at his desk and a blonde lady standing next to him. The man reminded me a lot of my father. Noble brow, strong chin, face withering away slowly and whatever was left of his hair was white streaked with silver. He seemed like a friendly man and his smile was warm and inviting. The woman had been around my age maybe a few years older. She reminded me of someone but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  
  
"Come in dear and sit. I'm Colonel Potter and this is Major Houlihan." Said the old Colonel.  
  
Then it his me, Fort Ord, Houlihan, California, It was Margaret Houlihan.  
  
"Margaret Houlihan!" I said in spite of myself. When I said this it made her jump.  
  
"Well yes but for now I'd appreciate it if you'd call me Major." She said sounding surprised.  
  
"Margaret! It's me Kat Wilkinson!"  
  
Then it came to her.  
  
"KAT! I haven't seen you in what," she stopped to think for a second, "Nine years. It's practically a lifetime!"  
  
"Wait a doggone second," Colonel Potter said. "How do you two know each other?"  
  
"Well our fathers worked together at Fort Ord. We'd play there when we were small we were best friends up until I moved to Oklahoma." I told them.  
  
"We saw each other nine years ago, at her mother's funeral." Margaret told them. "Come on I want to introduce you to every…"  
  
Margaret was interrupted by the sound of a PA system. "Attention all personnel, Incoming wounded, report to Triage, sorry folks."  
  
"Well, Callaway. Let's show them what us California girls can do.  
  
The next four hours were a mix of blood, gore, and a nauseating feeling that felt permanent. I had never seen so much carnage in all my years as a nurse. There were soldiers whose limbs would be permanently lost, or ones whose cries of pain and suffering were impossible to bear, but the worst ones were those who couldn't be helped and knew it. Left there to die. Not like humans but like animals who had been horribly mistreated. It was a wonder how I got through it though there was a time that I thought I wouldn't.  
  
"Suction! I need suction." Yelled the surgeon who I was assisting.  
  
"Right sorry!" I pleaded. I wasn't used to this kind of pressure.  
  
"Jeez Margaret," he said, "Where do you get these nurses."  
  
His words cut through me like a knife. I was trying the best I could but he obviously didn't know that.  
  
"Lay off Hawk it's her first day." Replied the surgeon with a mustache. "Hey she's beating the rest of them, not one sign of vomit all day."  
  
"Yeah Beej," he replied, "Not like your first day. Close for me nurse please."  
  
"Yes, doctor." I replied. Finally something I knew how to do. While I was stitching up his stomach wound I felt something grab my arm. I looked up and it was the bloody hand of the boy I had been working on him.  
  
"You gotta help me doc," he said shuttering, "I don't wanna die."  
  
It was amazing how this boy could talk, thinking how much pain he must be in.  
  
"You're going to be just fine, now please let go of my arm, your hurting me." I pleaded.  
  
"I'm gonna die ain't I!" he said with fear in his eyes, "Just tell me I can handle it!"  
  
Then he started shaking uncontrollably.  
  
"Doctor!" I screamed. "Doctor, come quickly! This boy is going into shock."  
  
I couldn't take it; the look in his face was bloodcurdling. His jaw clenched to try and overcome the pain he was feeling. I could feel his hand pulsating still firmly gripping my arm. He was only a boy. This wasn't his war. He was only eighteen years old. He should be worried about girls not getting shelled. He should be carrying a wallet everywhere, not a rifle. I couldn't take it.  
  
"Get him under quick!" the doctor ordered.  
  
"I…I…can't!" I told him in tears.  
  
"Look at me," he said turning my head to face him. I looked into his eyes. He was a scared as I was, "You have to or he'll die, now please, just do it."  
  
I knew what I had to do. I pried his fingers off my arm and went to the gas tank. Talking gently I slipped the mask over his face. It was hard since he was struggling but eventually I got it. His body went limp at first I didn't know id he was under or dead to instinctively I checked for a pulse. The doctor must've thought exactly what I had since he looked at me with worried eyes. So I told him the only way I could since I couldn't find the words. I smiled from under my mask and nodded. The look in his eye changed from fear to relief and he continues to work on his patient. I couldn't stand being in there for one more second. I ran out of there so quickly it could've made your head spin.  
  
I went outside to get some air and was instantly joined by the doctor who I had been assisting.  
  
"Don't they need you in there? What about that boy." I asked.  
  
"He's doing fine now. You've been out here for ten minutes." He replied.  
  
"Oh I'm sorry! I didn't think it had been that long." I wasn't lying I really thought I had only been out there for a minute, "I'll go back in now." I said heading for the door.  
  
"No," he said grabbing my arm. "That's not what I meant."  
  
I winced when he had grabbed my arm. It's not that he had grabbed it violently; it just still hurt from the soldiers grasp. I tried not to let on I was in pain and failed horribly.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said instinctively, "I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
"No, it's not you!" I told him "That soldier grabbed my arm in there and he sort of used it to ease the pain.  
  
"That looks bad." The doctor said. "Remind me to take a look at it."  
  
"That's why I couldn't put him under." I told him.  
  
"Oh really," he said smirking, "Is that the only reason?"  
  
"Well that and the fact that I was scared out of my mind."  
  
"Hey, we all get like that sometimes. But we're used to it. You, wow, you were great in there!" he said, "That's what I really came out here for. Most nurses either faint or throw up at the first sight of intestine, but you, you tackled that organ like a pro."  
  
I couldn't help but smiling. But then I was reminded of my first impression of this guy from his earlier remark.  
  
"You didn't seem so enthusiastic when I didn't give you suction." I told him. I instantly regretted saying since the look on his face looked that of a puppy dog who had just been abandoned by it's owner.  
  
"I'm sorry about that." He started, "I shouldn't have said that. Besides now I really want to know where Margaret gets such dedicated nurses like you."  
  
I just smiled in reply.  
  
"By the way the names Hawkeye, Hawkeye Pierce." He added with and extended hand.  
  
"I'm Kathryn Callaway. Nice to meet you."  
  
*Please Review* 


	2. Pranks

Hey everyone! I know this story may seem juvenile but I'm only fourteen and I don't really know what someone ten years older than me thinks. Anyway thank you for all your reviews they were greatly appreciated. I hope you'll continue to review this chapter. That's what makes it all worthwhile. Thank you!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Mash or any of it's characters. Lieutenant Kathryn Callaway is from my own imagination.  
  
  
  
Chapter Two  
  
  
  
After spending eight grueling in the Operating room, Margaret suggested that I go with her to the officers club to formally meet everyone. I was reluctant to go since I was tired and had a headache but she insisted so I accepted. It wasn't far from where we were to the officers club but I felt as though I should change my clothes since I still had blood on my arm from when the soldier, Corporal Wallace, grabbed my arm.  
  
I entered my tent and nearly screamed. I looked around my room to see, my cot tipped over on it's side, my comforter lying in a hump on the ground and all of my pictures ripped off the wall scattered on the ground. But what got me the most was the words "Daddy's Girl" written in huge letters my mirror. I didn't understand why a person would do this to me on my first day here. I knew this incident would only sour my mood to an even high extent. I shouldn't have even come her but my thought trailed back to all the lives I had saved today and I knew that it was worthwhile. I had to suck it up and move on. I tidied up as best s could and quickly changed. Margaret had told me to meet her at her tent fifteen minutes ago and I didn't want to keep her waiting.  
  
I walked through the camp to Margaret's tent. I arrived to find Margaret waiting impatiently at her tent.  
  
"What took you so long?" she asked.  
  
I thought about telling her what had happened to my room but I was never really much of a tattletale, even as a child, so I decided not to.  
  
"Oh, I…I just…I needed to use the bathroom." I said finally. She didn't look impresses with my obvious lie but she let it pass.  
  
It wasn't far from Margaret's tent to the Officers club. I knew we were close when the sound of drunken laughs and the smell of alcohol filled the air. I didn't expect to have a nice time since I already had a headache and I despised being around people who had been drinking. I decided at an early age that I'd never drink any alcohol since I learned first hand what alcohol did to people.  
  
When I was a young girl, my best friends mother had been an alcoholic. I knew what the effects were when I saw her horrendous bruises that had been cause by her mother when she had had a few to many. Just the thought of someone doing that to another person, let alone, their own daughter was horrifying. But what really got me was what had happened this one night I was spending at her house. Her mother had gotten drunk and began hassling her for no legitimate reason. When she began to smack her around, it became to much for me to handle. I tried to stop her from hurting my friend but in a drunken rage she hit me. I knew I never wanted to become like that, even it meant that I could never drink any alcohol. I stayed true to myself and I never drank.  
  
We entered the building and the stench of sour alcohol and stale tobacco was nauseating. I had to clench my teeth together to keep from throwing up. There was an overweight man pounding away at an un-tuned piano and his horrible playing wasn't helping my head much. Margaret looked around trying to find a place to sit. She spotted Captains Pierce and Hunnicut and they indicated for her to sit with them. We walked over and they pulled up two chairs.  
  
"What would you like to drink?" Margaret asked politely.  
  
"Oh, just water please." I told her meekly.  
  
"Water!" she exclaimed surprisingly before asking the bartender for two beers.  
  
"No really Margaret, I don't drink." I pleaded.  
  
When I said this Pierce gave Captain Hunnicut the strangest look as if he'd known what I was going to say. While Margaret was off getting our drinks, Hunnicut decided to attempt small talk.  
  
"So Kathryn," he started, "How was your first day in hell?"  
  
"Don't worry," Captain Pierce added, "Once the cockroaches move in, you get used to them."  
  
"Well captains," I said, "It is as god as hell can get."  
  
"Please, Hawkeye and BJ." Hunnicut said, "All this captain stuff just keeps reminding us that we're in the army."  
  
I smiled and nodded to acknowledge his comment. Margaret returned and placed a beer in front of me even though I had no intention of drinking it.  
  
"Kathryn was just telling us how much she loves our quaint little neighborhood." Hawkeye said grinning. There was just something about his smile that made me nervous.  
  
He didn't seem like the same person he was in OR. He was different somehow. Before he had been a professional with eyes so full of compassion. Now they were those of a carefree child.  
  
The hours went on and the drinks kept coming. It was disturbing how much these people could drink. It was as if they thought the more that they drank, the quicker the war would end. What frightened me the most was the thought that these people could've once been like me. Had no intention of drinking at all but the war had gotten to them and they couldn't take it. They had to drown themselves in alcohol to forget their troubles.  
  
"Hey Kathryn, you haven't even touched your drink." Hawkeye pointed out.  
  
I looked down. It was true. I hadn't even touched it.  
  
"I'm just not thirsty that's all." I lied. I was actually very thirsty.  
  
"Oh, Oh I get it," he continued, far to drunk to realize what a jackass he was making of himself, "Lieutenant High Class doesn't want to drink with guys like us."  
  
"What? That's not it at all. I just don't drink." I told him but it was useless.  
  
"Why? Don't want to disappoint your precious daddy?" he said holding up a picture that BJ had handed him. It was of my father, one that I had hung up in my room. They both started laughing hysterically. Hunnicut even fell out of his chair.  
  
It all made sense now. It was obvious they had been the ones who had sabotaged my room. Sure they had had a little fun messing around my things but this was to far.  
  
"Now Hawkeye," I said coolly, "I just don't feel I need alcohol to drown away my troubles like you two gentlemen."  
  
With that I grabbed my picture and left the club. I could feel hot tears burning my eyes and clouding my vision as they ran down my face as I ran. I bumped into some people but I didn't care I just wanted to get as far away from the Officers club as possible.  
  
"Shh, what's wrong." Someone said grabbing me after I bumped into him.  
  
I frantically wiped my eyes to get the tears off face. I soon realized that the man was a clergyman.  
  
"Oh father," I pleaded, "It was awful. I can't stand it here."  
  
"Come here and sit down." he told me, "We'll talk."  
  
As angry as I was with Captains Hunnicut and Pierce, I wasn't about to get them into trouble. I simply told the father that how horrible my first day in OR was. I felt a little guilty not telling him why I had really been upset. Although it wasn't the complete truth it wasn't as though I had been lying. The operating room had been horrifying. After I had cooled down I thanked Father Mulcahy and continued to my tent. If only I had left a little sooner I wouldn't have run into…them.  
  
"Well look who we have here, Beej." Hawkeye began, "Little Miss High Class. We really ought to introduce her to Charles. They're perfect for each other."  
  
"Please, just leave me alone." I told him  
  
"What's your hurry?" BJ asked.  
  
"You see I want to go to sleep and if I were you boys I'd want to go to." I said smirking.  
  
I pushed by them and walked back to my tent. On the outside I was everything a well brought up Lieutenant should be, inside I was screaming.  
  
I slept dreadfully that night. I kept thinking about that young soldier in the operating room. The look in his eyes was terrifying. He was so frightened. They were full of fear and anguish. As if I were the only thing that was keeping him alive. Although now he'd be recovering fully, I couldn't help thinking how long it'd be before he was injured again, or worse before he was killed. That was the last thin on my mind before I went to sleep and trust me, my dreams weren't pleasant.  
  
I woke up at around 07:00 hours and wished I hadn't. All the other nurses were still sleeping. I envied their peaceful slumber but there was no way I could ever get back to sleep again, so I got dressed and went for a walk  
  
Somehow I ended up in Post-Op so I went in naturally. I looked up the row and spotted Corporal Wallace. Most of the other casualties were sleeping or unconscious so I made my way right to him.  
  
"Hey," I said in a soft voice, "How are you feeling, kid?"  
  
He looked up at me and I was pleased to see that his eyes were now filled with hope and innocence. It was a pleasant change from their previous state.  
  
"Better." he told me, "The doc told me that you were the nurse that saved my life."  
  
I pulled a chair up to his bed so I could hear him better.  
  
"He did, did he." I said smiling, "Well he played his part in it all as well."  
  
He let out a half-hearted laugh. If I were in the state he was I wouldn't feel like laughing much either.  
  
"I suppose I did play a small part but it was mostly her." A voice said from behind me.  
  
I turned to find Hawkeye's face. I was still upset with him for what he had done, but I forced a smile for the sake of the soldier.  
  
"I don't know how to thank you two." He said grabbing my arm.  
  
I flinched in pain when he did this. A bruise had developed from when he had gripped my arm so firmly in the OR.  
  
"Oh," he said quietly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
I didn't want to disappoint him or make him feel guilty by tell ing him he had caused my pain.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine." I told, 'I just banged it on the door the other day."  
  
He smiled at me but for some reason I think he knew that he had done it. The doctor told him that he'd be fine and that he should get some rest, so I left him.  
  
I was checking on a boys head wound when Captain Pierce came up behind me.  
  
"You know, you should really get someone to look at that arm." He told me.  
  
I didn't understand how a person could be such a jerk one night and a complete gentleman the next morning. If I really thought about it, he could be kind of charming.  
  
"Do you enjoy sneaking up on people?" I asked coolly, "Or does it just come naturally?"  
  
"Here let me see." He said taking my arm, completely ignoring what I had just said.  
  
"Hmm, this looks bad," he said, "but you'll be fine."  
  
I nodded and turned to leave when he reached out and he grabbed my wrist and turned me around. I looked up at his face it looked tired and worn. I could tell just by looking at him that he was a devoted doctor. When I looked at his face I felt something strange and feared that I might not resent this man as much as I thought I did.  
  
"Listen, I'm sorry about what happened last night. We got a little carried away." He said.  
  
"A little?" I said angrily, trying to hide the fact that I wasn't even angry anymore, "You call destroying my room and getting drunk a little."  
  
He looked down at me with his warm eyes. I knew he was sorry when I looked into them.  
  
"We just like to have a little fun that's all. It's our way of coping with this stupid war. It's the only way we can keep ourselves from going insane."  
  
"I understand." I told him. I said this with serenity. I truly did understand.  
  
"So maybe now we could be friends." He said bluntly.  
  
"On one condition." I told him. "You have to promise not to fall in love with me."  
  
"That might be difficult." He said smirking.  
  
I stared at him coldly. I was serious. That was the last thing I needed right now.  
  
He smiled at me. "Alright, Alright I promise. Now let's start over. I'm Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce. Welcome to Mash 4077th." 


	3. Wrong Assuptions

Hey Everyone! Sorry it took me so long to post! This chapter is kind of short and I think that you'll like what I did! I made a few changes like ya'll said to and I don't make Hawkeye seem so mean anymore! Don't worry you'll find out what is around with her soon enough! It's really sad what I have in mind! Kat is sort of looser in this chapter and I think that it's better. Oh and just to let everyone know, even though my pen name is Kathryn Randle that's not my real name so Kat doesn't resemble me! Personally I don't like when people do that! Well enjoy! Please review!  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
After mindlessly wandering around camp for a few minutes I found my way to the mess tent. Some of the doctors and enlisted men were already there eating something that resembled toast and eggs. I took the easy way out and just got a cup of coffee. I looked around for a place to sit and saw Hawkeye waving for me to sit with him. I sighed and made my way over to the table where he was sitting.  
  
"What you don't want to experience our wonderful cuisine?" He said noticing that I didn't have any food, "These powder eggs aren't that bad."  
  
I just smiled at him and continued sipping my coffee. Now that I wasn't full of rage toward Captain Pierce, I was noticing how much I liked him. He had a charismatic charm about him that I couldn't help admire and he wasn't to hard on the eyes either. I just shook my head reminding myself that I would never get emotionally involved with someone I work with.  
  
"I believe this is yours," He said, handing me a picture of my father, "I forgot to give it to you yesterday. Beej was holding onto it but I gave you the other one."  
  
"Where did you get this?" I asked, instantly remembering that they had got it from my room.  
  
"It fell out of Nurse Lyons pocket and I picked it up for you." He said smelling the food of his fork before putting it into his mouth.  
  
"Wait," I said curiously, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"What do you mean," He said confused, "I just told you I picked it up when Lyons dropped it."  
  
"You mean you didn't take it from my room?" I asked regretting making the assumption that he had ruined my room.  
  
"Of course not," he said compassionately, "I know how important pictures are to a person, especially in this hell hole."  
  
I was about to say something but then I thought of something different to say.  
  
"Just how did you and Hunnicut ruin my room?" I asked wondering if they hadn't even done anything.  
  
"We just put a few rocks in your bed that's all." He said shoveling some more eggs into his mouth, "I was wondering why you were so upset."  
  
Then out of the corner of my eye I saw two nurses smirking at me and laughing. Then it all came together. BJ and Hawkeye hadn't wrecked my room. It had been the nurses. They must have been jealous of my relationship with Margaret and retaliated.  
  
"One moment." I told Hawkeye as I calmly walked over to the nurses. "I just like to thank you for making my first day here so pleasant and enjoyable. Knowing how out of place I felt and how nervous I being in a new place, you girls really helped me out by being so warm and friendly. I just know that this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship."  
  
I watched as their smirks were replaced with looks of guilt and regret as I smiled sweetly and turned to walk away.  
  
"What was that all about?" Hawkeye asked as he joined me in the middle of the mess tent.  
  
"Oh nothing," I told him coolly, "Just expressing my extreme gratitude toward those wonderful people."  
  
He just smiled and followed me out of the tent.  
  
"Look," I said turning to him, "I'm sorry about last night. I overreacted. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I just thought that you did something you didn't."  
  
"What do you mean Kat," He asked confused, "What did I do or what did you think I did?"  
  
"It's nothing," I told him, "Can we please just forget it ever happened?"  
  
"Whatever you say," He said, "Although it's going to be hard."  
  
I smiled at him as we continued on to Post-Op. I spent practically the whole day with Hawkeye and he told me about his father and life in Crabapple Cove and I told him about my father and why I was here. He seemed to be surprised that I had voulenteered to come rather than being drafted but he understood that it was something I had to do. I wish I could've told him the whole story but it wasn't exactly something that I could just openly share. Hell, my sister didn't even know let alone someone I just met.  
  
"Attention all personnel," the voice on the speaker blasted, "The movie tonight will be Casablanca…again."  
  
I could here the disappointed sighs of people all over the camp but I couldn't help but smile. I loved Casablanca and had only seen it twice so I had no trouble in seeing it again.  
  
"What do you say Kathryn," Hawkeye said to me, "You feel like going?"  
  
"Of course I do," I replied, "Would I give up a chance to watch Humphrey Bogart? I think not."  
  
"Alright then," He said, "Until then Kat, I'll see you there."  
  
I smiled as I thought to myself, 'This'll be a start of a beautiful friendship.'  
  
I hurried back to my tent but ran into Radar on the way there.  
  
"Sorry ma'am," He said in his innocent voice, "I didn't see you there."  
  
"It's fine Radar," I told him. He was looking at me rather strangely and I was getting a little uncomfortable, "A simple mistake."  
  
I walked on but looked behind me only to find Radar staring back at me. I smiled at the thought of the boy having a crush on me but the thought vanished since that wasn't exactly possible since I had only talked to him once or twice.  
  
I brushed my hair out nicely and let it down and hang over my shoulders. I didn't exactly know why I was getting dressed up to go see Hawkeye. He had seen me tired, sweaty, and dirty all day long and how I looked wasn't going to make a difference. I redid my make-up in hopes that it would improve my appearance. It did but not by much I still looked tired and worn but I knew that look would be erased as soon as I saw him since he could always make me smile. It was different with Hawkeye. I mean usually I fall madly in love with any man who even gives me a second glance but in this case I had no desire to throw myself at him or anything. It was so natural and I knew that nothing could change that.  
  
When I was finished dressing myself and looking at least presentable I headed over to Hawkeye's tent. I could hear him talking inside and decided I'd listen a while before knocking.  
  
"I'm telling you Beej," I heard Hawkeyes voice say, "She's not like the other nurses. She charming and funny and god is beautiful. I didn't think I could like her so much after one day."  
  
"What are you talking about Hawk," BJ said, "You like a lot of girl after one day."  
  
"Yeah but not this much," He replied, "I think I could really like this one a lot. Not just for a few days, like for the rest of my life."  
  
"I'm sure Hawkeye," BJ said, "I've heard that before and they all end up in heartache."  
  
I just stood in silence outside the door. I should've known this would happen. It knew I shouldn't have gotten to close to him. I told him not to fall in love with me and he did. He promised he wouldn't, he promised. I didn't want to hear anymore. I turned to run away but it was to late.  
  
"Hey gorgeous," I heard a voice say, "I'm ready to go."  
  
I saw Hawkeye dressed in his blue Hawaiian shirt wearing a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Oh," I said quietly, "great. Me too."  
  
We walked in silence to where the movie was being shown and I knew that nothing would ever be the same.  
  
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	4. Fainting

Hey Everyone! This chapter is VERY confusing and has a lot of foreshadowing. You aren't meant to know what is wrong with Kat just the fact that there is indeed something wrong. If you can't understand, please don't flame, just e-mail me and I'll explain what's going on. But keep in mind that it'll ruin the story if I do. Anyway, thanks so much for your helpful and thoughtful reviews. They're always enjoyable and motivating! Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
All through the movie I could feel Hawkeye staring at me yet every time I looked over at him, he childishly looked away and I smiled every time. I tried to forget what I heard earlier but I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. Despite the fact that I was sincerely trying to enjoy myself, I couldn't help but come off as a little cold and unfriendly compared to my previous state when I was unaware of Hawkeye's feelings. I hoped desperately that he wouldn't notice but I should've known that he would.  
  
"What's the matter Kat?" Hawkeye asked finally, lifting his arms, "I don't smell do I."  
  
"No, that's not it." I said as cheerfully as possible, "I'm just tired I guess."  
  
He smiled and continued watching the movie but I just couldn't focus. I felt guilty for lying to him, although it wasn't a complete lie. There was truth in the fact that I was tired but that wasn't what had been bothering me. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't do this anymore. I knew that eventually it would lead to something more and I wasn't about to get my heart broken again once he realized what was wrong with me. Not again.  
  
Just as I was opening my mouth to make up an excuse for leaving, I felt something drape across my shoulder. I noticed that it was Hawkeye's arm and instantly felt guilty. How could I have done this? I was so careful and yet it happened again. I knew all along that it could never work out and yet I had to let him, and myself for that matter, become attached. However there was always the possibility that he was simply infatuated with me as some people were with the first impression but it wasn't love. It couldn't be love. I needed to stop this now before it got to far.  
  
"Hawk," I told him, "I'm feeling a little light-headed. Do you think we could cut this night short? I need some sleep."  
  
"Sure thing," he said, bolting up instantly, "You're sure your okay now, right? You're not sick or anything."  
  
"No," I told him, smiling at the coincidence, "I'm just tired."  
  
"You should be," he said smiling down at me, his blue eyes sparkling, "It's only your second day and you already work harder than most nurses."  
  
"Well I have to give my all to these boys," I told him sincerely, "They're giving their all for their country so I feel I should do the same for them."  
  
As I got up, I felt the blood rush to my head. This had happened before. I knew what was going on. Not now. Please, not now. I could feel my knees begin to shake and knew eventually, in a few short seconds they'd give and there was nothing I could do about. I should've known that this might happen and yet I still over-exerted myself. My father had told me that no matter what I did I shouldn't work to hard or else it would simply progress. I could feel myself begin to go down, yet I didn't hit the ground. I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and for a brief second I felt safe. Only to be replaced with, like so many times before, my worst fear, darkness.  
  
It was light out when I opened my eyes again. The sun instantly stung them as they blinked themselves open. Then it came rushing back to me. The fainting; the blackness; the truth. Hawkeye was a doctor; he must've known that the cause of my fainting wasn't simply fatigue. Why did it have to happen? I was just beginning to accept it and as usual it gets worse.  
  
I looked to my right and saw the face of a wounded soldier with a white, bloodstained bandage covering half of his face. I looked to my left and saw a young Korean man who Captain Hunnicut had treated yesterday smiling at me. I realized that they had brought me to Post-Op and my will forced me to get out of bed and go right back to work. Just as I put my feet on the ground Hawkeye appeared.  
  
"I don't think that you should get out of bed just yet," He said with a touch of hostility in his voice. I knew he knew, "You should at least wait until you're strong enough."  
  
"But I can't," I objected, "I need-I need to help with the casualties. I'm not staying here."  
  
"As a doctor," He said seriously, "I think it would be best for your and the patients if you stayed in bed."  
  
"But I can't I need to-" I started but was cut off.  
  
"If not as a doctor, than as a friend," He said putting his hands on my shoulders, "Stay in bed."  
  
I sighed and looked up at him, "Well I can do that in my own tent," I started, "There's no use in me staying here and taking up beds for the wounded."  
  
"Alright then," He said smiling, "I'll take you to your bed."  
  
"No it's fine I can go by myself." I told him. I didn't want to have any unwanted conversations with him.  
  
Before he could object I was out the door. I didn't even look back. I was to ashamed. I didn't talk to anyone until I was in my tent. I lay on my bed wanting to cry but knew that my willpower wouldn't allow it. I was so embarresed and angry at the world and yet there was nothing I could do. I heard a knock at the door and heard Margaret's voice.  
  
"Katty," she said in a concerned voice, "Are you alright."  
  
Paranoid, I thought that she was aware of my condition too and felt all that more embarrassed. I hated pity. It was the worst thing to have bestowed upon a person and I knew that as soon as everyone knew what was wrong that would be my life, a constant array of pity.  
  
"Yes Margaret," I told her once the steadiness had returned to my voice, "I'm fine."  
  
"Do you think I could come in?" she asked.  
  
"Sure," I told her hesitantly; although that was the last thing in the world I wanted. She opened the door almost immediately and came in.  
  
"I just saw you run across camp and was wondering if anything was wrong." She told me, "If there is you know you can tell me."  
  
"No," I lied, "Nothing's wrong. Hawk-I mean Captain Pierce just thought it best if I stayed in bed for the day. Obviously I objected, and if you need my help I'm more than willing, but he said that it'd be better for the patients."  
  
"Well as soon as you're feeling strong enough," she told me, "After you've rested of course, you're welcome to come back to the OR."  
  
"I'm sure I'll be fine soon." I said sitting down on my cot.  
  
"As am I. Captain Pierce said that your fainting was probably caused by you working so hard yesterday or the fact that you got up to quickly," she explained, "Yet even so, he still stayed up all night by your side making sure that nothing was wrong."  
  
"He told you that?" I asked excitedly, "I-I mean he did that. That was nice of him."  
  
I was actually more excited by what he thought was the cause of my fainting. Knowing he stayed up all night concerned just worsened my original problem.  
  
"Yes, I couldn't believe it," she said smiling, "I guess I always knew under all that sarcasm and mindless wit was a sweet caring person."  
  
"I guess so." I agreed, as she turned to leave, "Oh Major." I called out, "Are you sure I couldn't do something simple like Triage or Post-Op? I really think that I had enough rest last night."  
  
She hesitated for a while but agreed. The only catch was that I wouldn't be admitted to the OR no matter how bad it got but I knew that if they needed me she would put me in.  
  
As I made my way back to Post-Op I ran into BJ. I remembered that I still hadn't apologized to him for over-reacting the night before and yet he still had a friendly smile on his face under his mustache.  
  
"Hey," He said cheerfully, "I think you're supposed to be in bed aren't you?"  
  
"Yes but I really didn't feel like sleeping." I explained, "I have a responsibility to these people and I never back down from a challenge, no matter how hard."  
  
"Volunteered for the Army, gives up sleeping privileges," He said smiling, "There's just no stopping you is there Callaway."  
  
"No sir," I told him. "Not when there's work to be done."  
  
"Alright then," he said as he left, "But when the works all done, you be sure to have fun with my buddy Hawk. He seems to take a liking to you and now I know why. It's not that hard to spot. You just make sure that he doesn't see you out here walking around. He may seem carefree but when it comes to his patients, he's a real strict guy."  
  
"I'll try to steer clear," I told him smiling, although I couldn't have been more serious, "Oh and BJ, I'm sorry about the whole mix up we had before, I was just a bit paranoid being in a new place and all and jumped to conclusions to quickly. I hope we can just forget about it."  
  
"Already done," He said cheerfully, "I can hardly remember as it is." With that he continued his way across the compound back to his tent.  
  
As I walked over in the direction of Post-Op, I thought that it might be best for me to have a bit of nourishment before I did anything since it was probably best to get my strength up to ensure that nothing like what happened last night would happen again. I walked over to the so-called food, but as usual it looked less than eatable so I steered clear and thought that coffee would be a best choice. Just as I sat down to take my first sip I heard the distant sound of constant spinning blades and knew what that meant. I took a breath and looked around at the people running to prepare for the inevitable and though it was full of gore and agony, I knew there is no other place I'd rather be. I belonged here. Finally I was making a difference. Whether or not I would today was out of my hands.  
  
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	5. Facing Reality

Sorry it took so long for me to write! I hope it was worth the wait. Myself, I enjoyed writing this chapter. It has a lot of aspects to it. It shows humor, drama and romance all in one. I'm a bit concerned about the medical aspect of it though so any input is welcome. Please review! Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Instinctively I bolted up from my chair and ran out of the tent to see what was happening and how I could help. Margaret was already prepared for triage. I met her in the compound.  
  
"What can I do?" I asked her, completely ignoring our previous conversation.  
  
"This is outrageous," she laughed, "Even though you're ill, and after all we just talked about. You're still here before all my able to work nurses."  
  
"I'm dedicated is all Margaret," I told her smiling, "Besides I was in the Mess Tent, I didn't have to come far to get here."  
  
"I suppose." She said, "But at any rate, I still don't want you in the Operating room. They're aren't a lot of casualties here. But I know you well enough to know that you won't take no for an answer, so I guess you can help out with triage."  
  
With no time at all I was kneeling down next to a young man examining his wound. There was so much shrapnel in this boys side and I couldn't even begin to image the pain he must be in. It seemed to have punctured his spleen but I'm sure with proper care he could survive.  
  
Within second Hawkeye was at my side. I explained to him what state the boy was in and he sighed rubbing his forehead.  
  
"This'll take me at least four hours to repair." He told me.  
  
"So what's your point?" I asked him, "The main thing is that you can in fact save him."  
  
"Kathryn you don't understand," He said, "There are some things that are out of our hands. In the time it takes me to save this boys life, three more will die waiting for me."  
  
"So that's it?" I asked astonished, "You're just going to let him die?"  
  
"Look," he said, "It's not an easy decision, but the reality of it is, I just don't have the time or equipment for that matter. I'll operate on the others first and come back to him."  
  
I couldn't believe what he was saying. Simply casting this patient aside because it might take too long.  
  
"No Hawkeye," I said fighting back, "The reality of it is, if he waits until you're ready, he'll die."  
  
"Do you think this is easy for me Callaway?" he fought back angrily, "Do you think I like this? Well I don't, I hate that I can't help every single person who comes through here but I have to think logically. The boy will wait."  
  
As he said this he got up and walked off to another patient.  
  
I just knelt there watching the boy grind his teeth in pain. His eyes were so full of agony and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. Here I was supposed to be helping these people and I couldn't do anything. At some point he had reached out and grabbed my hand and I could feel his grip slowly loosening. I wiped the hair away from his face trying to comfort him, but I knew that wouldn't help. In a matter of minutes, his chest gave it's final fall and his and slid off mine as his grip became nothing. I backed up from him still kneeling in anguish. I had never watched someone die before and I can assure you it is the worst experience I have ever had. I stood up and backing away from him a few more steps, but never taking my eyes off him. I felt someone's strong hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Sometimes there's just nothing we can do." I heard Hunnicut say from behind me. "But there are still some here that we can help."  
  
I turned around and gave him a weak smile as I made my way to the next casualty.  
  
The rest of the day was filled with remorse. No matter how many patient came out of the OR saved, I couldn't help but think of the boy who would never again do the things that he loved to so dearly. He was so young, probably had a girl back home waiting for him. What would his parents feel when they heard their son was killed in battle. I know that they won't hear about how the nurse in triage let him die. How she watched as he suffered without doing a thing. The guilt was almost to much to bear.  
  
As I was making rounds in Post-Op, a boy reached out and grabbed my wrist.  
  
"Nurse," he said, "What happened to Roberts? Please, you gotta tell me he's okay."  
  
I thought for a minute, then looked at my chart, there wasn't a Roberts on my list.  
  
"I'll check with the doctor soldier," I told him, "I'm sure he's fine."  
  
"He'd better be," the man said, "He saved our butts out there. If it weren't for him, four of us would be dead right now."  
  
I gave him a half-hearted smile and walked over to Klinger.  
  
"Was there a boy by the name of Roberts in here today?" I asked him.  
  
He scanned down the list of wounded and shook his head. Then he scanned down the list of those who had died. Roberts was the only one on the list so far. An empty feeling took over my stomach. Not only had I watched the boy die, now I had to go tell his friend that I had.  
  
"Thanks." I said before making my way back to Post-Op. I pulled up a stool next to the stool next to the soldiers bed.  
  
"What is it nurse?" he asked, "Why are you lookin' at me like that."  
  
I took a deep breath, "You see, there was a lot of shrapnel in Roberts' side and-and it punctured his spean."  
  
"No," he said, "No, you can't tell me that."  
  
"There was nothing we could do." I lied. "He was just hurt so badly and-"  
  
"And you let him die." He yelled, "You just gave up on him didn't you. You let a hero die."  
  
"Calm down son," I told him soothingly, "I told you we-we just couldn't help him."  
  
"You people are supposed to be doctors." He continued to yell, "To the best of my knowledge, doctors aren't supposed to kill people."  
  
"Hey pal," I heard Hawkeyes voice say from behind me, "Doctors don't kill people the war does. You want to yell at someone? Yell at the people who got us into this mess."  
  
The boy seemed to be quiet after that and turned away from us. I could only imagine how he must feel. All I knew is that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there.  
  
I walked outside and looked around. The place that had once been filled with men who were in agonizing pain was now filled with doctors and nurses going about their own business trying to maintain a normal lifestyle. But I just couldn't do that. There was nothing normal about being here and I just couldn't forget what had gone on earlier.  
  
I stood out there for a few more minutes until I was joined by Hawkeye. I just couldn't understand this man. He was so caring and compassionate at times and yet he could he funny and charming. But then again he can make me hate him all in one day.  
  
"Look," he started, "He was just upset in there. Don't ever think that any of this is your fault."  
  
"I know." I said plainly. Although I didn't. I was thinking it was all my fault.  
  
"A very wise man once told me something," He continued, "He said to me, 'Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.' He's right you know."  
  
"Who said that?" I asked, wanting to know who the brilliant man was.  
  
"Colonel Henry Blake." He told me, with a hint of sadness in his voice, "He was our former CO. He never made it home though."  
  
"I'm sorry," I told him sympathetically, "He seems like a hell of a great man."  
  
"That's for sure." He said, the was a bit of a silence as if Hawkeye was remembering him, "You look tired, I think you'd better go get some sleep."  
  
"No, my shift isn't over for another hour," I told him, "I'll be fine until then."  
  
"You just don't know when to quit do you." He said.  
  
"No," I told him smiling a bit, "But now I envy the fact that you do."  
  
He smiled right back at me and I think he felt relieved that I know understood that what he'd done earlier today was the best thing to do, even though it didn't seem that way.  
  
The next hour wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Most of the patients were sleeping fine so Hawkeye and I talked for a while. He told me more about his family and Crabapple Cove and I just listened. He kept trying to get me to talk about mine but I was fascinated by hearing about his. It was finally 0100 hours when we finished. I was exhausted but perfectly satisfied with where I was. We walked from Post-Op back to my tent.  
  
"So much for you having a light day." He said with a smirk.  
  
"Well that's what you get for trying to confine me to my bed." I replied.  
  
"Fine," he said smiling slyly, "Next time I'll confine you to mine."  
  
I hit him playfully and he pulled me close to him. He leaned in but I pulled back. I knew that I couldn't have this. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. So I kissed his cheek and smiled at him.  
  
"Good enough for me." He said smiling. Then he walked backwards toward the swamp and I turned to go into my tent. As tired as I was that night I couldn't sleep. I lay on my cot thinking. I had seen this happen before. I asked a man not to fall in love with me and he had, only this time it was different. See, this time, I wanted o love him back.  
  
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